My name is Joey—Joey, the Stinker. A name I earned and one I rather like. I’m nine months old and I love to run, chase everything, bark at absolutely nothing, sleep on my back, and kiss everyone!
I live with a diva named Sienna. This is really her blog, but I hijacked it. It appears that Sienna enjoys writing about me. She claims that I constantly annoy her. But isn’t that what younger brothers are supposed to do? I’m here to set the record straight.
I did eat poop when I was younger which earned me the nickname of Stinker. It was winter time and the poop was like little popsicles. I would then kiss Sienna and she would shrink away and make her “Yucky—he’s touching me” face. I just wanted to share my delicious treat with her. But since, she’s a diva, she didn’t want to eat a poopsicle!
I have been accused of peeing on her. In my defense, we are on a joint leash and she takes a long time sniffing before she pees. If I find a good spot, I just lift my leg and squirt. Sienna has to sniff, sniff, sniff some more, than squat, than maybe sniff again. I can’t help it. I couldn’t wait for her highness to figure out where she wanted to pee. She was in the way. Besides, it’s really fun lifting your leg as high as possible and peeing. I recommend trying it. Uprights would probably enjoy peeing on bushes and trees. The other night I went into the bathroom after my upright came out. I sniffed around this white bowl thing, uprights call toilets. I could smell her pee, so I peed on it. For some reason my upright was not happy that I marked her toilet. But my upright doesn’t understand that I’m in a pee war with Sienna. I will mark everything as mine, mine, mine. I will even mark Sienna. I peed on her face yesterday. I hope to pee on my upright too! I want to make sure everyone knows that she’s mine.
I am the grand finale in our show. After Sienna, the Diva performs, I do my tricks. Sienna refuses to even watch me. Our upright says things like, “Sienna’s depressed,” or “Poor Sienna is so upset that Joey’s here.” IT’S AN ACT! When we’re home, she plays with me. We race around chasing one another. But in public she likes to act like she’s embarrassed by me and hurt that I’m along. She loves it when uprights feel sorry for her. She puts on her “mopey, depressed” face because she knows our upright will give her more treats. Sienna also does this to ensure she performs first, but just wait, my time is coming.
I’m not a diva like Sienna. I’m a cowboy! I’m going to herd things like sheep and cows, but if I can’t find sheep and cows, I’ll herd stuffed animals and Sienna. I’m a rough, tough cowboy who pees where he wants and sleeps where he wants. I love getting dirty and muddy, and I wouldn’t mind it if Sienna peed on me! But she’s a girl; she can’t lift her leg! Ha, Ha. The Pee War is won by strategic sprays when you least expect them. Just wait until I find something or someone new to pee on!
Sienna Scared of the Moon: The story of a dog with an over-active imagination
By Denise Gard, my upright!
I am a Border Collie, which is a dog, but not just any dog, a smart dog. My name is Sienna because my coat is a beautiful reddish-brown.
One crisp evening, my child named Gina, decided to walk me. I love walking with Gina. She doesn’t hold the leash tightly and allows me to sniff the grass and roam into our neighbor’s flower beds.
As we strolled, Gina explained that we were hunting monsters. My ears perked. Monsters? Are monsters food, perhaps, or giant hamburgers?
Gina yelled, “I’m not afraid of any monsters!”
As I watched her make a terrifying face, I noticed a strange light illuminate the ground. Shadows danced in the wind. I looked into the sky and saw a huge round cake! Cake? It seemed to hang in the dark sky. The wind moaned. I decided it wasn’t a birthday cake. Maybe it was one of those monsters that Gina was hunting. A deadly glow-in-the-dark monster! And this was her eye watching me from above.
I whimpered. Gina didn’t even look up. I pawed at her and then barked. She told me, “Sienna, No Bark. Shush.” I whined until Gina said, “Sienna, we’ll be going soon.”
Why, oh why can’t humans understand dog speech? The huge monster hovered over us as the wind tore at my fur.
Finally, Gina saw it. She pointed at the monster. She smiled and said, “OOOOOHHHH, pretty.”
I felt like playing dead. Pretty? Where was her terrifying face to scare it away? A glowing monster isn’t pretty! I strained against the leash. I had to escape from it. I tried to warn Gina, but no one ever listens to dogs. The wind whined, shadows waltzed across the grass, and I knew it was waiting to eat me. The question was, did it want me grilled like a steak or raw?
I lunged against my leash with all my strength. The leash spun out of Gina’s hand as I bolted down the path onto the road.
“Sienna come back!” She cried. I glanced back, but the monster was hanging over her. I trembled, dreading that the round glowing monster would scoop her up and steal her away to its lair.
“Sienna, it’s just the moon.” She yelled, as she ran after me. “Sienna come back!” She cried again. But I jumped over curbs and bushes.
“Sienna come back!” She cried.
I ran toward the park, and heard a hissing sound behind me. I glimpsed a long black snake whipping its head in the wind! Not only was the monster after me, but also a twenty-foot snake! I charged down the path faster then I’d ever run in my life. And still, the monster floated in the sky over my head. It was following me!
“Sienna come back!” Gina’s voice sounded far, far away.
I slowed for a moment, then ran on. I charged past the playground. I trotted past the pond where ducks and salamanders lived.
“Sienna come back!” echoed faintly in my ears as I jumped over a fence.
I ran farther then I’d ever been before. I thought about stopping, but out of the boogying shadows, I saw a dragon. Now I had three monsters chasing me. I crawled under another fence. But, I glimpsed that huge glowing monster, the hissing snake, and the fire-breathing dragon.
I heard faintly in the wind, “Sienna come back!”
I entered a huge tunnel and tried to hide. I popped out of the other end because another monster was living in there. My legs burned. My tongue lolled out of my mouth.
I ran until I was completely exhausted. I played dead and waited for the huge monster to devour me. When nothing happened, I opened my eyes and noticed the black snake coiled next to me. I sniffed it, and then realized that it was just my leash. I gnawed through the cord until I was free from its cumbersome weight.
The glowing monster was hidden. I searched the sky. No monster sailed into view. I had outrun it. But what about the other monsters. I saw the dragon, but it just sat there. Carefully, I sniffed it, and discovered that it was just a tumbleweed. I glanced about for the other monsters, but they seemed to have disappeared.
I turned my attention to my surroundings. Where was I? I sniffed the wind, hoping to pick up Gina’s scent.
Was she still looking for me? She often smells like peanut-butter and French-Fries. I love French Fries and often dream of dipping them in peanut-butter. I sighed. No yummy scent drifted toward my nose. I missed her. Who would train me now? Gina enjoys training me to do tricks. Of course, I already knew how to shake, hi-five, roll-over, sit pretty, and play dead, but I like to let her think she’s teaching me new things.
I wandered away from the tree with my nose to the ground. I had to find her. The ground glowed again. I peeked into the sky and saw the monster emerge from behind a cloud. It seemed brighter, closer, and definitely bigger. I knew I couldn’t outrun it. I trembled with fear. What could I do?
Then I had an idea. I stuck my paw in the air to give it a high-five. I would show that monster I wasn’t afraid. I twirled then stood on my hind legs and danced. I chased my shadow and let the wind ruffle my fur.
The monster hid from me! We played a game of hide and seek. She would hide (and not very well, I might add), and then pop out from behind a cloud.
I sniffed the ground to find my way home. And the monster helped light the way.
I trotted toward the park where I often play with Gina. A child’s sad sobs tore through my heart. My ears pricked forward. Gina? Yes, it was definitely my Gina. She was crying great big sobs. Oh, my poor girl.
Gina saw me and cried, “Sienna, you came back!”
I knew I was in trouble, so I dove to the ground and rolled onto my back. I provided her with my tummy to rub.
She petted me and explained, “It’s just the moon, silly.”
I closed my eyes and sighed. Humans will never understand!
My work took me to the wild country of Oklahoma where the humidity made my fur curl and my tail droop. I soon figured out that air conditioning is the world's best invention. My upright isn't a fan of air conditioning because she's always cold. But I love resting right in front of the vent.
Joey tagged along. He kept cool by chomping on ice cubes and sleeping on me. I don't know why he always thinks he needs to sleep on me. It actually makes me hotter, but he likes to snuggle. And no matter how far I move away from him, he always finds me...
The car trip was long but full of fun rest areas, dog parks where balls were thrown, and picnics. I love picnics because it seems there's always food to be found. I'm more adept at finding food on the ground than Joey, but the little stinker's learning.
We performed in places like Okmulgee and Ada. The enthusiastic audiences clapped and cheered. I was the star, but Joey was the show stealer. And although, I'm not happy with that, I've come to terms with him being part of our show. I love it when the kids laugh and there was a lot of laughter in Oklahoma.
Joey finally learned how to roll over, but he rolls in the opposite direction of me. We'll never be able to roll over together. I guess he's a lefty and I'm a righty. I roll right, he rolls left. The trick finally clicked for him—it was as if a little light went off in his puppy brain.
Have you ever tried to train your dog to do a trick, but the dog refused to learn it or acted completely confused? Try breaking the trick down into smaller parts. Try teaching it a different way. If he still doesn't learn the trick, move on to something else. Return to the trick another day. My upright was trying to have Joey roll over in the same direction in which I rolled over, but Joey didn't like that. When she changed her arm motion to the opposite direction, he learned to roll over.
Every library had teen volunteers who helped us bring in our props and dog agility equipment. The volunteers played with Joey and then petted me. Joey adored the volunteers and gave them hugs and kisses. I only kiss my upright. The volunteers encouraged the children to form a line when it was time to pet me. I'm glad the libraries had volunteers. Have you thanked your library volunteers? They donate their time to help with programs and summer reading at libraries everywhere. Teen volunteers are wonderful, so if you see one, be sure to tell them "Thank You!" A simple thank you lets them know how much they are appreciated.
Sienna, The Smartest Border Collie!
I'm a red and white Border Collie. I love performing with my upright, Denise Gard. I call all humans uprights, just so you know! This blog will detail all of my adventures and contain some useful dog tips for all dog lovers!