I live with a diva named Sienna. This is really her blog, but I hijacked it. It appears that Sienna enjoys writing about me. She claims that I constantly annoy her. But isn’t that what younger brothers are supposed to do? I’m here to set the record straight.
I did eat poop when I was younger which earned me the nickname of Stinker. It was winter time and the poop was like little popsicles. I would then kiss Sienna and she would shrink away and make her “Yucky—he’s touching me” face. I just wanted to share my delicious treat with her. But since, she’s a diva, she didn’t want to eat a poopsicle!
I have been accused of peeing on her. In my defense, we are on a joint leash and she takes a long time sniffing before she pees. If I find a good spot, I just lift my leg and squirt. Sienna has to sniff, sniff, sniff some more, than squat, than maybe sniff again. I can’t help it. I couldn’t wait for her highness to figure out where she wanted to pee. She was in the way. Besides, it’s really fun lifting your leg as high as possible and peeing. I recommend trying it. Uprights would probably enjoy peeing on bushes and trees. The other night I went into the bathroom after my upright came out. I sniffed around this white bowl thing, uprights call toilets. I could smell her pee, so I peed on it. For some reason my upright was not happy that I marked her toilet. But my upright doesn’t understand that I’m in a pee war with Sienna. I will mark everything as mine, mine, mine. I will even mark Sienna. I peed on her face yesterday. I hope to pee on my upright too! I want to make sure everyone knows that she’s mine.
I am the grand finale in our show. After Sienna, the Diva performs, I do my tricks. Sienna refuses to even watch me. Our upright says things like, “Sienna’s depressed,” or “Poor Sienna is so upset that Joey’s here.” IT’S AN ACT! When we’re home, she plays with me. We race around chasing one another. But in public she likes to act like she’s embarrassed by me and hurt that I’m along. She loves it when uprights feel sorry for her. She puts on her “mopey, depressed” face because she knows our upright will give her more treats. Sienna also does this to ensure she performs first, but just wait, my time is coming.
I’m not a diva like Sienna. I’m a cowboy! I’m going to herd things like sheep and cows, but if I can’t find sheep and cows, I’ll herd stuffed animals and Sienna. I’m a rough, tough cowboy who pees where he wants and sleeps where he wants. I love getting dirty and muddy, and I wouldn’t mind it if Sienna peed on me! But she’s a girl; she can’t lift her leg! Ha, Ha. The Pee War is won by strategic sprays when you least expect them. Just wait until I find something or someone new to pee on!